I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
