Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
