Small penises have feelings too.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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