Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
