First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
