I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
