My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
