Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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