Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I didn't notice because vodka
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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