There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
