i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
