for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
