you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
