the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
