Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
