i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
