she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What a dumb baby whore.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
