you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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