What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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