Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
