ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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