Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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