i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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