Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my liver is dry heaving
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
