can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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