I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
we're making bets on your personal life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
