I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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