none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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