there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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