Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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