have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
