He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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