You don't have asthma, your pregnant
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
