DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
COCAINE IS GR8
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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