there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize