everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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