I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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