I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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