to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
