also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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