How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
