Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
