Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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