I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
