You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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