OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
