Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
