She is in my trunk
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
