With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
