I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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