so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
