ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
