so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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