He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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