How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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