dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
