We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I touched a dick in church today
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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