I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
