When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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