I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
