She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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