update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
