im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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