Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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