Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
