I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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