Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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